The Diagnosis part 1

I first heard of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder four years ago when I went in to visit my GP for some anti-depressants. I was feeling pretty low and had reached my tether. I had been diagnosed with depression when I was fifteen and they put me on effexor which I didn’t really take properly and just put up with inconsistent moods up until this point. In my mind, I was just experiencing that same depression that I had always been feeling but at this point it was almost unbearable. I had two young kids and a husband and I felt like I was drowning. I mentioned to my GP that I noticed a significant reaction in my mood 1-2 weeks before my period. She asked me some more questions before handing me a pamphlet on Pmdd. I was then put on lovan (an anti-depressant) which was suppose to help with the pmdd. I went home, did some research, spoke to my husband about it and went on for the next 4 years in agony. The truth is, I didn’t read into it as much as I should have. I didn’t properly look into how I was feeling and when I was feeling it. I thought, sure, I have pmdd which makes me moody before my period. But I was still convinced that I was suffering something more. Bi polar disorder was a theory. Depression was a theory. But pmdd was just some pms thing I probably had that was no big deal. Well how wrong I was. Four years later I have come to understand that I am not crazy. I don’t have two versions of myself – the scary, angry me and the nice, caring, loving me. I am just sensitive to the release of natural hormones in my body. Pmdd makes me angry and vicious and so very sad. It eats away at me and brings me down to the point where I tried to take my own life two years ago. I know now that what I have is not something to pay no attention to. It’s a very real and serious thing and it has made me live a half life. A life where I have been deprived of living it to my fullest. I get 1-2 weeks of freedom from this monster and then I can barely leave my bedroom. But I have some power now because I know that everything I have been feeling has been a result of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. I am now on the path to tackling this and hopefully soon I will be better able to handle what I’m feeling.

Life is messy and stressful and hard but we have it all because we have each other.

This isn’t going to a be a place of pretty pictures and a clean house. This isn’t going to be a place where you will find all the answers and get the best source of information. This is a place you can come to see a messy but very happy family and also a sad family. A mum with a mental illness and a severe reaction to hormones who can only be her best self for 1-2 weeks of the month. A mum who still has to raise two young children while going through the ups and downs of it all. A supportive, loving husband who works to support his family and comes home not knowing which version of his wife he will get but loving her anyway. Kids who still don’t understand why their mum is all over the place but kids who are never made to feel unloved or unhappy. Welcome to our journey through life. I hope you can find some peace here or some better understanding to something you may be going through.